It was funny before, now I'm crying over it

In my last entry I joked about not having a life.
Now I'm coming to realize that... I really don't.
I'm completely alone on New Year's Eve. My parents are home. But they've all been invited places. I'm the only reason they're staying home.
I've invited numerous people to come over for New Years, but no one even fucking responded.
I thought I had friends. I thought people cared about me. I was so happy.
But I was lying to myself.
What, did I actually believe that if someone talked small-talk with me, they were automatically my friend for life? What the hell was I thinking? I'm an idiot. The people I considered my best friends for four fucking years of my life don't even have the desire to talk to me anymore. Not only that, but when I'm desperately crying out for help from somebody - ANYBODY, no one responds. All I get are jokes to break the ice. As if my problems don't matter at all. No one cares. I'm not important to anyone. I thought I was. But clearly that's not the case anymore.
I've pretty much realized that I'm just one of those people in a group of friends that no one actually likes. The one everyone wants to get rid of, but doesn't have the heart to. The one who tries desperately for weeks and months to get one true friend, and never succeeds. God damnit. Why is it so hard for me just to get a friend? Just one real friend. That's all I've ever wanted. And obviously, that's the one thing I'll never get. And that's not even fucking close to what I've been trying to get for so long. A boyfriend. Jesus Christ... They always say that atleast one person out there loves you. Well, could that person speak up, please? Someone I can love back.
God. Just a few months ago I felt on top of the world. Everyone wanted me. Everyone liked me. I had friends all over the place. But now I know what's really going on. No one wants me, no one needs me. No one likes me and no one is really a friend. I've never been so fucking alone. Am I being punished for something? What did I ever do to deserve this?
Everyone I know has some group of friends. Ones that don't judge them, ones that do things with them, ones that care about them. I've had that once before. And now it's all gone. Or maybe I've never really had it. Maybe now they're just glad to be rid of me.
Either that, or I was just fucking entertainment. I can make people laugh. I guess that's all I was ever worth to anyone. I could cheer THEM up when they were in a bad mood, make THEM happy - WELL WHERE'S MY JESTER? Who can make ME feel better, huh? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF? Did they ever for once think about that?! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!
I just want them all back... I want it all back!
What's so terrible about me now? What is it that everyone hates so much about me that keeps them from giving half a shit if I just disappeared? What the fuck do I do?!

I have no life.

So I've pretty much been doing nothing but sleeping, eating junkfood, and playing non-stop PS2 games since Christmas. Mostly "Neopets: The Darkest Faerie" (Beaten three times total) and "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" (beaten twice in one week, but I don't own the first or any of the other Harry Potter games). Right now I'm watching my sister play "The Simpsons: Hit and Run". So clearly, my family just loves buying the most media-based games out there. BUT they're all pretty much my most favorite games in the world. I've got Kingdom Hearts, but my dad lent it to some kid while our PS2 was broken and the brat completely destroyed it. It won't even go past the intro. Grrr. Not sure what I'm going to do once school starts up again... I don't think I can go 8 hours a day without playing SOMETHING. I've got a problem, I know. >.>